i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
