They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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