i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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