Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
