You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
