my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
