Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
