sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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