she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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