It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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