Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
