:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
