So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
