u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
