My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
