Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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