Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
