you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
