so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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