ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
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I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
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You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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