went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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