so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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