o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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