I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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