with your own penis?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
