Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
