Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
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So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize