Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
