how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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