Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
