you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
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That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
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This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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