I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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