evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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