meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Drunk is not a location!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize