the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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