Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
