He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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