you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
