The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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