So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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