i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
