yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
