I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
