I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
