i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
