Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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