Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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