Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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