Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
