She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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