im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
