ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
