My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
