Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
