Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
