Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
