My first STD was from a foam party
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
